yesterday me and jenni went to crossroads after school and bought the BEST mango smoothie ever! it was soo good...almost as good as Jamba Juice! then we went to Bartels and did out makeup...lol and then went to micahs house. We watched the texas chainsaw masacre...only the begingin though...it was kinda nasty...anyways then we all just hung out and then my mom called and said i had to come home so jenni's dad came and got us from mcdonalds and took me home....itwas pretty fun....then i was gonna go somewhere later that night, but i fell alseep!! how gay am i? man im so mad! but anyways...today im babysitting ALL day...and its a saturday...but atleast ill make money for christmas shopping cuz im pretty broke right now....but tomorrow should be a little beter cuz mike said hes gonna take me shopping!! WOOHOO! and i might see mo-mo...aww i miss her!

peace ~Diana~

Ive been feeling really weird lately, and i dont know whats wrong with me. I have to get somethings out, but its so hard to do. It seems that everything that is happening lately is for the worst, and nothing is going good for me. I know there r somethings in life u just have to overcome, and im really trying to...but i cant, and i dont know why. Somedays ill tell myself ok this isnt gonna happen anymore, i wont let things get to me like that, but then boom...something even worse happens...its like my life isnt suppose to get any better then this. Sometimes i just break down and cry for no reason...but then at the same time there are reasons, like 50 of them. I feel like everyone is turning against me, including my family, my mom most of all. Its like she cant understand me...or doesnt want to, but then again maybe its all my fault for the way she acts towards me. I wish i could just go somewhere, far away from here, and start a new life? yeah thats it, i really wanna start a new life, a better one, but is that even possible? There are so many things that i regret doing, and i wish i could take back time and not do them, but its impossible. I know whats done is done, and no matter how bad it is or how much i dont like it, i just have to move on from there, but for some reason i cant do that. It seems like everyday i think about those things more and more, and they make me feel evern worse. Its like i can never do anything right. Whenever im in a bad mood, which is a lot, i say some stupid things that can hurt other peoples feelings, and i cant take it back no matter how much i want to...why am i such a bad person??? whats wrong with me? i think about those questions every minute, but i dont seem to find the answer. I have so much on my mind that its unbelievable, i cant sleep at night because i cant get all these thoughts out of my head, and when im at school i cant pay attention to anything because im still thinking about the same things. I cant concentrate whats so ever, and i cant make any simple decisions. I always think about how when im 18 everything will be fine, because i will move out of this place and not have to deal with my mom...but then again...things always go bad for me so what makes me think that it will be different when im older? I have no hope for anything right now or for the future. I pray everynight, and ask God to help me get throuhg all this stuff, and i know he heres me, but y wont he help me? i guess this is something i have to deal with on my own. Well thats about all i can say right now, so ill write in here later.

love, Diana